faux news, part deux:

RUSTY FENCE FREES SCORES OF SIMIANS AT LOCAL ZOO; AREA CITIZENS FEEL SUPPRESSED

"In the quiet hours of early tuesday morning, a rusty fence lining the "Monkey Fun House" in the Fulton County Zoo finally gave way to the pounding of of 42 of its primate charges. Residents in close proximity to the zoo report being awakened by wild screeching. And the sound of "contemptuous beasts tearing through my [censored] Sweet William," moaned one disgruntled homeowner on Cherry St. two blocks from the fence in question. The primates, including Orangutans, Spider Monkeys, three Ringtailed Lemurs, two Cotton-Topped Tamarins and an Aye-aye, spread out from their ground zero cages in a radial formation. Accounts are coming in from as far as the Big Chicken on Cobb Pkwy. all the way down to I-85 at Heartsfield Jackson. It seems as though these Simian fugitives have broken into homes and office buildings and latched onto the nearest person's back. They seem to be using any means of entry necessary. Authorities advise citizens to stay indoors and to not answer for suspicious looking "callers" offering "singing telegrams." These are the monkeys. And sources are reporting these con artists don't sing well at all. Quite the contrary, they spring immediately for the victim's back upon entry into the domicile. These creatures seemingly aren't dangerous, so much as an annoyance and a burden. Reports one victim, "I just can't seem to get anything done with this monkey on my back. It's taking up all of my attention." No word on a remedy for these needy primates, other than one premature report of a victim jetting of to Turks and Caicos. "As soon as I hit the sand, this little guy flew off my back so fast, all my stress over it is gone." Delta and United have both sold out tickets to anywhere in the Carribean and greater Keys regions after release of this remedy. Is a vacation the solution for the monkey on *your* back? Reports to follow in tomorrow's addition of 123 News as emperical evidence is gathered.

-Tim McTimster reporting, 123 News, Atlanta

Supplemental Monkey Related Stuff:

Educational Facts and Trivia!!!

Such a Cute Monkey!!

Assorted Monkey Pictures!!

Well, it's rainy and I have 9 minutes before quit'n time.

I remain, with no MSG,