2005-08-10 - 5:08 p.m.
A candy bowl, intended for guests and clientele, sits at my desk in the reception area and is the epicenter of the entire office. Ground Zero. Restockings occur a few times a week, with such gems as Hershey's Kiss, Jolly Rancher, Werther's and, on a good day, Reese's Cups. Everyone inevitably approaches, using one of a few means of attack. Some opt for the Drive By/Eagle Dive. They rush by and snip the desired piece out of the bowl with Eagle-On-The-Hunt precision. Others take the Watering Hole/Grazing approach, loitering at the bowl and pawing through its contents. Happy with their few bits of candy, they stalk off, into the underbrush/cubicles/warehouse. And still a third group takes the timid, This Is Our Little Secret angle. They longingly titter up to the bowl, making appologies and vying for anonimity, and rush of to aforementioned underbrush/cubicles/warehouse. It was on one such convo with a Watering Hole/Grazer that had just discovered the joy and wonder that is a Hershey's Hug, an thought struck me...If an unsuspecting Hershey's delivery truck, potentially carrying such treasures such as Kisses, Hugs, Rollo's, etc. had the misfortune of driving on I-85 Northbound, (which I can see out of the front of our office) I truly believe the office would descend upon the truck in "Dawn of the Dead" fashion. I can see it now, Accounting slashing tires, while the warehouse guys pry open the back with crowbars. Then Customer Service snatches the payload and books it for the conference room. In the ensuing investigation, Police follow a chocolatey trail to a deserted parking lot, finding a hog-tied driver propped against a ravaged delivery truck.
This ridiculous fantasy spawned yet another idea...I have decided to concoct a series of fabricated Newspaper Headings and article snippets. To be added at random. Here goes.
"OFFICE VIGILANTES INDICTED IN CHOCOLATE HEIST.
WILL EAT CROW BEHIND BARS"
Earlier today a Hershey's delivery van was assaulted and the driver bound and gagged in guerilla-type warfare on the Northeast Expressway. Traffic backed up for miles as the crazed group took to the truck with crow bars, slashing tires and opening the freight area. In a bizarre flurry of activity, witnesses claim these rogue office workers climed into the back of the truck and began emptying it of its payload. "I thought maybe they were Undercover Police and the truck was a front for drug runners," Marsha McBean, an eyewitness commuter tells 123 News, "but then one of them ripped open a box, and all I remember were Hershey's Kisses spilling out onto the freeway." Another stunned motorist on the scene reports the group "fighting for the boxes" and, "racing back to their office" just off of the freeway. Law enforcement officials have no comment. There appear to be no injuries resulting from this bizarre heist, if only for a few achy tummies in the morning.
-As Reported by Sam McMuffin, 123 News
I remain, 2% Spandex-98% Cotton,
TheIdleReceptionist
wowee zowee - just a little something
